The goodbye
by Miss ocean
Summary: You left home. You alienated your friends. You abandoned your brother. Yoi brought shame on your parents. And now your back! But for how long this time?
1. Chapter 1

The goodbye

summary:

You left home. You alienated your friends. You abandoned your brother. You brought shame on your parents. And now your back! But for how long this time?

Chapter 1

I looked in the familar mirrior. 'I'm back' I thought. I left for 4 years after everything that happened. I came back but I've changed. I had to get out last time I was here I went back to my old partying ways but I'm determined not to let myself go back to that way again... For him.

"Mom. I'm going to my meeting now. Look after her for me please." I asked my mom. "Ofcourse sweetheart. Have a good meeting." My mom lily said.

I left the penthouse and started to walk to my meeting. It was weird walking in the New York streets again again after 4 years away. I'm different now when I left I was destroyed. I finished college in Pensylvania at Hollis. It was hard at first but I called my mom and asked for her help. I was suprised that she came quickly after all the shame I put on our family name.

I was so lost in thought I almost missed where I was suppose to go. I walked in and told them my name. This felt weird being here at this support meeting than it ever did in pensylvania. I sat down and looked at all the people, just trying to read them. The councellor had started and then the door slammed shut. Someone came in. I looked at them and saw familiar blue eyes I fell for years ago. "Nate" I whispered.

"Sorry I'm late. Stuck in traffic." He appologised to the councellor. "Its fine Mr Achibald, take a seat. As i was saying we have a newcomer to the group Serena if you would like to tell us why your here today." He said directly at me. I saw nate observing me to see if i changed. I stood up ready to tell my story. " Hi my names Serena Van Der Woodsen and I'm an alcoholic. It first started after I returned from Paris; I had a choice to make but I didn't want to hurt anyone so instead I hurt my liver. I was out of control no one I cared about recongised me. I didn't recognise me. The final straw was when I collapsed in the alley way due to consuming so much alcohol and drugs. I destroyed everything in the process; My relationships with my friends, brother, mom and myself. It was when only my mom and brother were at the hospital when I woke up. I realised I had to leave get out of New york. So I left and 2 months after I started drinking again." I took in a deep pause and looked at Nate taking everything in and wanting me to continue. I didn't know how he would react on what I was about to reveal. "One day after a wild night out I collapsed. I was rushed straight to the hospital where I found out I was pregant. They told me the only way to keep me and my baby alive was to stop drinking. So I did. I needed to be sober to look after my little munchin. The day Lydia was born was the day I saw the light in me again. But a year and a half later I was struggling and I had a bottle of cheap wine. I called my mom straight away and she took Lydia to the hamptons whilst I went to Rehab. It's hard but I need to be the mom Lydia needs me to be." I finished. Everyone Looked at me and clapped. Everyons except Nate he just looked confused and then he clicked on. "Thankyou Serena for sharing that with us. Whose next?" The councellor asked. Nate's had instantly shot up. "Are you ready Nate" I looked at Nate intrigued to know why he was here. I was still in shock he's here. "Yeah. Hey I'm nate I'm a drug addict. About 4 years ago I lost the love of my life. She left again. I didn't blame her she had to go. She was a wreck when she left I knew this is what she needed now matter how hard it would be she needed to leave. A year after she left I got into a massive car crash. I lost my mom and my girlfriend. I shattered all the feeling in my back. I lost all hope that anything could get better I lost 3 people I Loved in a year. I turned to alcohol and drugs. For months I was this angry man who had thought he lost everything. It took watching Lola's film she made before the crash to realise that even though I lost what I thought was everything, I still had people that cared about me. I went to rehab and started to get back into my work. I learnt to walk again and feel emotionally again. I still feel all that pain and hurt inside but I know that even though it seems that its like the end of the world its not and there is always hope." Nate finished. I couldn't believe what he said. He went through so much and I could have helped him.

"wow Nate thanks for sharing that with us. After all this time we are happy you've opened up to us." The councellor said.

After it was over I went outside to take a breather. "Your back!" I heard him say. "It was time to come home I guess. Listen nate I'm sorry what you went through and I'm really sorry I wasn't there for you." I said sympathetically.

"Serena its fine. You were in a bad place I understood why you weren't here. Congratlations on your daughter." he said. 'Yes and yours' I thought.

"Thanks. She's really saved me. I think I'd be dead if I didn't have her. Anyway nate I have to get back my moms going to that event soon and I have to get back for Lydia" I said to him.

"Yeah its fine. Erm I guess I'll see you around" He says and starts to walk away. I grab his hand "wait are you free tonight?" I ask him. "No why?" He replied. "Good come to my moms for dinner and we'll catch up." I said to him with my infamous smile. "Yeah sounds good I'll bring the lemonade" he grins. We say our goodbyes and I walk back home excited and nervous for tonight. I realised I had to tell him I just didn't want to lose him again. He's nate I could never lose him. Even after 4 years away from him I could never let him go. I had Lydia she was my reminder.

This is my first fanfiction so love it/hate it. Should I continue? Review please


	2. Chapter 2

The goodbye

**Quick A/N thanks for the reviews and I hope you liked it. Sorry I've been delayed to update, I had a lot of mock exams to do. Anyway hope you enjoy the story. **

Chapter 2

I got home from the support group quickly as I needed to get ready for Nate coming over. I knew I needed to tell him about Lydia. It was just hard. At first I thought Lydia was Bens but that amazing night with Nate made something so beautiful and incredible that I would never trade anything for. She was my hero. My little girl who saved me and kept me going just for her. No matter how hard it had become; she kept me grounded and made me feel like I was doing a good job.

I thought about telling Nate I did but my mum told me he was in a pretty bad state. I just didn't know how bad it was if I did I would have been here straight away and told him.

I wish I could turn back the clocks and tell Nate maybe Lydia would know her dad. I can imagine how they would be; the perfect daddy and daughter duo. Why did I keep them apart?

My mom came out of her room dresses in a beautiful light pink gown which suited her skin tone. "You look stunning mom." I told her.

"Thank you darling. It's not too much is it?" she asked me.

"No mom it's just perfect. Mom I've been thinking and your right I'm telling Nate tonight!" I told her. She looked at me with an approving smile. "Good if anything happens call me and I'll be back. Oh and Serena" I looked at her. "Rufus and the boys will be back tomorrow so you can see them and I spoke to Charles, him and Blair will be back from Paris next week. They all know your home. They want to make amends." She announces. I was stunned after everything I did before I left and they wanted to make amends. "Okay when they all get back I'll meet with them." I said and my mum smiled and left for the evening.

I went into Lydia's room where she was all snuggled up with her favourite teddy. She made my heart boom with love. I just could never imagine my life without her and her beautiful charisma. "Hey" A voice whispered behind me. I jumped to see Nate behind me. "You scared me!" I playfully hit him. "Sorry so is that Lydia?" He asked whilst watching her in awe. "Yeah that's Lydia. I'll wake her up before dinner." I told him. We started to walk towards the living room. "Why did you come back?" He asked. I knew that this question was going to come. "For Lydia. Nate she's sick." I told him and in that second I finally accepted that my little girl was sick and needed her family. "How sick?" He asked looking deeply concerned. "She has leukaemia and she needs a bone marrow transplant desperately. Her being sick is the only reason I'm back. Nate I need your help." I said. My eyes were pleading with him. "Of course I'll help." He said. I needed to tell him the truth tonight.

We carried on talking for an hour when Lydia woke up "Mommy I'm hungry." She said. "Okay baby dinners going to be ready soon. Do you want to meet my friend?" I asked her and she nodded eagerly. I walked her into meet Nate. I was so worried in case he clicked on. "Lydia this is my best friend Nate. Say hello." I said to her. I looked at Nate's face looking at Lydia intently. "Hi Mr Natie." She said adorably. Nate and I looked at her with amazement. Nate knelt down so he was eye level with Lid's "Hey Lydia. So did you have a nice sleep?" He asked her. This moment made my heart melt and then I felt guilt as well. I took Lydia away from Nate for 4 years but I couldn't come back at the time after everything I've done. I wish I could turn back the time and do things differently, tell Nate everything and I mean everything. "Yes I did. I dreamt that mommy and I were princesses, living in a big pink castle and I had a lot of sparkly dresses." Lydia exclaimed. Nate and I laughed at her cuteness. "Wow that sounds like a good dream princess, maybe we could buy you a sparkly dress for my party next Saturday" Nate said. I looked at him with amazement. This boy could always manage to surprise me. "Nate, you don't have to! It's fine." I said to him. I know he wanted to treat us but it was too much. "S, I want too. I've missed my best friend for 4 years!" He admitted. I felt so guilty, I left Nate and he had been through so much horrible things ever since I left. I wasn't there for him, I couldn't be reached. He had been suffering and I didn't know, I couldn't be there for him, for anyone. "Dinners ready. Lydia go and sit down." I announced.

After dinner we decided to sit down and watch a movie in the lounge. "Okay how about cool runnings?" Nate asked. Lydia and I shook our heads and gave him a disproving look. "Aw come on S! We use to always watch this film back in the good old days!" Nate pleaded. I laughed at him whilst he gave me the puppy eyes. "Not going to work Archibald, I have a 3 year old who forever gives me that look!" I warned. "Don't give mommy the puppy eyes! If it doesn't work for me, it won't work for you." Lydia said. I giggled at her response and then it hit me, my little girl was sick and I wouldn't get moments like these with her, if she didn't get better. I got up and ran to my room. I could hear Lydia asking Nate what was wrong. I needed to tell him so I walked back out to see them. "Hey Nate, could you took Lydia in for me please? I have to do something" I asked. "Yeah course! Come on Lyd's, time to go to bed." He told her. Lydia put her arms out to hug me and I picked her up. "I love you so much baby, I did this for you, to keep you safe. You're my princess and we're going to get you better I promise." I whispered to her. She had to know how much I loved her. "I love you too mommy and I think Mr Natie loves you too but not as much as I do." She whispered back to me. I looked at her with pride, even my 3 year old could sense the feelings between Nate and I. Nate took her out of my arms and took her to her room.

I crept outside Lydia's door to hear the conversation between Lydia and Nate. "Do you love my mommy?" Lydia asked him. I could feel Nate tense up. "Yes I do, your mommy is one of my best friends!" He told her. "No not like that! Like the way mommy and daddy's love each other!" Lydia said. I laughed at her cleverness. "Err, well its um complicated Lydia." He told her. "No it isn't! I like you Natie! I wish you were my daddy so then we could all be a family, you, mommy and I!" she told him. My heart clenched as soon as I heard her say that. I wanted nothing more than that to happen. "Lydia, I wish I was too. You and your mommy being here has made me happy. I had more fun tonight than I ever had in 4 years." He admitted to her. "Natie, could you be my daddy and call me your princess?" she asked him. My heart broke even more when Lydia said that I felt that I had done so much wrong by keeping her and Nate apart. "Lydia, we'll talk to your mom okay and let's see what she says." Nate suggested to her. I walked in to see them and Nate looked like a natural no matter what he said in the past about being scared of parenting. He would be a great dad and he was a great dad. I knew after tonight he would hate me but I knew he wouldn't leave Lydia, he would step up because that's Nate. He is always there and that is why I love him. "Ask mommy what?" I said as if I was oblivious. "If Nate can be my daddy?" Lydia asked me. I looked into her pleading eyes and knew I couldn't do this any longer. "Well, we have to see how Nate feels about that don't we!" I said to her. We both looked at a shocked Nate. "Okay." He said. I think that's all he could manage. I kissed Lydia on her head. "Love you baby. Sweet dreams." I said to her. "Love you too mommy and daddy Nate." She said. I looked at Nate and saw him smile after Lydia said that. "Night Lydia." He said and kissed her forehead.

Once we were back in the lounge. I could sense Nate needed to talk. "S, are you sure about the whole Lydia thing? Will her biological dad mind?" He asked. "I'm sure and Nate I need to talk to you about that!" I said to him. "Okay but first I just need to get this off my chest. Ever since you left 4 years ago, I always felt like a part of me was missing and then when my mom and Lola died, I felt like I had a whole in my heart. But then tonight with you and Lydia I felt as if it was whole again. Already I feel this connection with her and a strong bond. I love her already S and I think she loves me too so please don't take that away. If her real dad comes back, I don't think I could handle that." He admitted. Okay now it was truth time. "I know you love her Nate, I could never take that away. I haven't seen her smile like that ever and I realised she felt complete, like a family, with her dad, her real dad Nate!" I finally admitted the truth. I looked at his confusion and then it finally clicked. "Serena, please tell me this isn't what I think your saying?" He asked. I nodded. "Yes you're her dad. Nate, I'm so sorry I just couldn't come back. You saw how bad I was." I told him. "So you thought you could keep me away from my daughter! Serena how could you do that to me or too Lydia. You have taken 3 years from us that we can never get back and now she's sick. Serena what if we lose her, I won't have as much time with her as much as you have had." He shouted at me and I realised I deserved it. I brought all this on myself by not telling him. "I'm so sorry. I know and you don't know hard it is Nate, knowing she's ill and I can't do anything to make her better. I'm back in New York so her family can help her. Nate I am the one who is in the wrong so take it out on me but please help save our little girl!" I said, desperately pleading with him. I looked into his eyes to see the pain I had caused. "Of course, I am going to do everything to save her and it does help I own the spectator so I can advertise it. Maybe you could write an article or blog about your life with her and how hard it has been since she got diagnosed. Donors look for that. I'll call trip and Maureen to see if their two kids can be donors. We will get through this okay. We'll co-parent." He suggested. I felt as if a brick had just fell off my shoulders, all I could feel was relief. "Thank you Nate, I mean it and maybe we don't have to co-parent!" I paused to look at his face which was confused. "We could parent together, you and me, Nate I love you. I always have and even Lydia can sense it between us. I know you love me back and I don't expect it to work out as soon as possible but please just think about it." I told him. "I love you too but too much has happened Serena, for us to be together again. You have taken away 3 years of Lydia's life away from me, I can never get that back. We will co-parent and for Lydia's sake I would like if you moved in with me. Then we will be the family Lydia wants us to be but right now we can't be together!" He said to me. My face dropped, I knew why he didn't want an 'us' but I just wish he gave me hope. "Okay, well we will tell Lydia Tomorrow and she has a hospital appointment on Tuesday which you can come too if you want." I said. I tried to hide the disappointment in my eyes as I looked at him. "Yeah I would like to come and I'll be here tomorrow. Listen Serena, I do want to be with you, honestly I do, I just need time to get over all this." He told me honestly and I finally got a little hope. "Okay, well I am going to fight for us to be a family!" I declared. "Good, I'll be ready to be fought over. Well I will see you tomorrow." He said. I couldn't help but think that Nate had just been flirtatious with me. Now I knew I was still in the game. I walked him to the door. "Thank you, for standing by us Nate, you really are one of the good ones." I said to him. "Well, we always did say we didn't want to be like our parents and we're not so we proved them right." He said. "Night Nate." I said. "Night S." he said and kissed my cheek. All I could feel was the sparks as I closed the door. Wow what a night.

I checked on Lydia and kissed her head. "Daddy knows now Lydia. He loves you and so do I." I said. I went to bed and thought about the night Lydia was born.

Flashback

Serena lay there, holding her little pink bundle of joy.

"What are you going to call her?" The midwife asked her.

"Lydia Summer Archibald." She said with ease. As she looked at her daughter, she saw Nate's eyes staring at her.

"That is a beautiful name!" The midwife said.

Serena took her phone out of her bag and dialled Nate's number.

"Hello Nate's phone." The girl giggled

"Is Nate there." Serena asked.

"No, he's in the shower. Can I take a message." The girl Lola asked

"Yeah, tell him Serena said she's sorry and she isn't coming back but please tell him not to find me." She told the girl on the phone.

"Wait Serena, he has really missed you. Call him back please." Lola said

"I can't, he seems to be happy. Am I right in assuming that you are his girlfriend?" I asked her.

"Yes but you're his best friend, he needs you." Lola pleaded with Serena.

"Just tell him that I'm sorry and that I love him please do that for me." She asked and then hung up.

She looked at her daughter and realised that this was her chance to change and become someone her daughter could be proud of so she did just that. "I promise you, I'm going to be the best mom I can be to you. Nothing will ever happen to you I promise. I love you Lydia Summer Archibald with all my heart." She told her daughter.

End of flashback

I looked at the picture and smiled at my new born daughter.

**So I hope you liked chapter 2. I will post chapter 3 either next Monday or next Wednesday. I just want to point out a few things this is how I wanted my story to pan out Nate and Serena getting brought together due to terrible news. This won't be one of them stories where Serena and Nate instantly get together, it will take a few chapters for them to reconcile as they have been through a lot and I really want to show how much they have been through in this story. So thank you for reading and I really hope you like the story. **


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